Who is Jack Schitt?
Finally, the definitive answer to "Who is Jack Schitt?" The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation.....
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, INC. They had
one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply
religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt,
Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her
parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop
out. However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt
divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were
living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as
Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous
disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two others of their 6 children, Fulla Schitt
and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married
the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were
Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour
the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride,
Pisa Schitt.
So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can
correct them.